A fan girl’s two cents

When the apple announcements dropped on Tuesday I was busy working with Martha Burtis. More specifically, I was watching her show off the incredible work she’s done with the surveying the burg site. I’d match it up against professional CRM apps any day, and will have more to say about it soon.

Anyway, I missed the keynote, but I’ve been an Apple fangirl for almost my entire life, so of course I have an opinion. Nobody asked, but this is my blog, so here are my thoughts.

In short: it all looks beautiful, but it’s not for me.

Why do I say so? Two reasons.

Even compared to my then-newborn's, my hand doesn't look that big.
Even compared to my then-newborn’s, my hand doesn’t look that big.

Physically: I’m of average height, but my hands are freakishly small. Not sure how outside the norm they are, but I’m guessing I may be in the bottom 10th percentile. Anyway, I can’t reach the top of my iphone 5s holding it in one hand. Yes, I realize apple is coming up with a workaround, but I DON’T WANT A LARGER PHONE. I don’t need or want the extra screen real estate. Yet the phablet trend seems unstoppable. Grumble.

Philosophically: I want to streamline my life, not complicate it. All the new stuff introduced by apple this time around seems to add instead of subtract.

My "Everyday Carry". It took a long time to distill it down to just what I need.
My “Everyday Carry”. It took a long time to distill it down to just what I need.

ApplePay seems tempting – except for the security risks – but it’s a mirage. Others have made fun of the conceit already. Still, that misses the real problem. What I really want to do is not have to carry more stuff. Right now I carry around my keys (with pen and multi tool) and my phone case with built-in wallet everywhere I go. That’s two things for me to keep track of, and it’s plenty. ApplePay would completely fail at simplifying this: two of the cards I have to carry around are my university ID and driver’s license, not credit cards. And unless there was universal buy-in, you’d still want to carry around your credit card anyway. If anything, it would add more complexity: approach cash register, think about whether phone works for this or not, inevitably get it wrong, pull out wallet anyway. So, ApplePay: no thanks.

Next, the new iPhones look fine, other than the physical limitation I mentioned above. Cases that include a wallet are already in the works, so no difference there.

Finally, the apple watch. I’m not gonna pretend it’s not sexy. It’s VERY sexy. The workmanship, I’m sure, is great, and it’s the kind of thing you (ok, I) could play with all day. Still, though, it again fails the simplicity test. Do I really want another thing to add to my routine, another charger to deal with? Not really. Plus, I’m not sure it adds anything the iphone doesn’t do already. I stopped wearing a watch over a decade ago, and don’t really miss the rashes, or the obsessive way I used to check the time.

XKCD as usual nails it.

 

When the iPad came out a few years ago, I didn’t see the point in it either, yet I’m writing this post on my iPad. Clearly, I’ve been wrong in the past, so I may well be wrong again. But point is for me, right now, even though I’m a huge fangirl and have everything Apple, I’m not planning on getting an apple watch, and I’m not gonna ApplePay. Since I should do more than complain, here is my wish list for actually improving the iPhone instead of just adding stuff I don’t need. It’s very short, actually:
Thinner? Don’t care.
More megapixels? Meh.
More built in apps? They will almost certainly go in the “useless” folder.

What would make a difference for the better:
Less shatter-prone glass.
Better battery.

How ’bout it, Apple? <crickets>

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